Election 2024 (Part 5)

The two presidential candidates were now chosen: in the red corner was Todd Alderman, and in the blue corner was Inzamam “Hotsauce” Guevara. The battle began.

With both men drawing from seemingly bottomless campaign funds, voters were bombarded with advertising. Guevara introduced America to what he called “Cool Socialism”, running television ads featuring big-name celebrities reciting the slogan: This time we’ll get it right. Couple this with campaign manager Chaz Carrington’s masterstroke of buying the front page of every newspaper in the country for a week and printing: Todd Alderman=Racist, and Guevara was off to a flying start.

Alderman, however, struggled. With his campaign bankrolled by corporate sponsorships and donations from lobby groups, he was obliged to preface all interviews and ads with a spiel promoting nuclear energy and the NRA. He would then explain why nine out of ten dentists recommended Powerglow toothpaste. By the time he got to his national defence strategy most people had tuned out. If it wasn’t for a high-profile religious leader declaring that Inzamam Guevara was the Antichrist, Alderman would have drowned in the polls.

In the lead up to the first presidential candidates debate, the two running mates participated in an informal debate of their own, as they were interviewed together on a leading television news program. Republican Vic Dwyer made a strong first impression, speaking with the straightforward charm often misconstrued by voters as sincerity. He articulated the plans Todd Alderman had so far failed to. Not to be outdone, Democrat Jane McAllister gave an impressive rundown of her party’s agenda, before calling Dwyer, a Vietnam War veteran, “Baby killer”.

The name stuck.

Vic Dwyer, who for one brief moment had made the Republicans look good—or at least reasonable—was now repugnant. He was political campaign poison who would forevermore be known as “Baby Killer Vic”. It was no use even trying to retaliate; Jane McAllister was viewed as a saint thanks to her years of work with Planned Parenthood.

Vic Dwyer was out of the game, and Todd Alderman was making little impact. Unless something extraordinary happened in the next few weeks, Inzamam Guevara was on his way to the White House.

©️ 2019 MILES VENISON ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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