Drum was down in the engine room, where the machinery’s constant roar drowned out all sound from above deck. As he searched back and forth for the musical equipment, he felt an odd familiarity. In the corner of the room a steel staircase ascended to a small storage room. A large sign adorned the room’s door, bearing the words: DANGER. KEEP OUT. Beneath was a picture of a skull and crossbones.
“That must be where the guitars are,” he said.
He climbed the stairs and found that the storage room door, while securely deadlocked, was made of papier-mâché. He breached it using a delightfully overacted technique Jean-Claude Van Damme fans would have recognised as the “Death Touch” from the movie Bloodsport. Drum poked his head through the flimsy French building material he had just demolished, and saw, to his disappointment, that the room seemed to contain everything but musical instruments. Not willing to continue searching the sweltering engine room, he loaded two shopping bags with a selection of items.
“This will have to do,” he said. “I’d better get back to the bridge—I hope they’re not having too much fun up there without me.”
The other members of Neon Cyborg were preparing to defend themselves against pirates.
“I know it’s a long shot,” said Cam, as he urinated against the starboard door of the bridge, “but if the pirates turn out to be bears, this will deter them.”
“Good thinking,” said Andy, furiously scratching his neck. “Mark our territory. Miles, go whizz on the other door.”
“I’M ON IT!” yelled Miles, having temporarily lost the ability to gauge the volume of his voice.
Daz searched the control desk compartments for a weapon. His pupils were dilated and his hands twitched.
“Bingo,” he said, holding aloft what he believed to be a cigarette lighter and an aerosol can. “If they try to come in here, I’ll light ’em up.”
“YEAH DAZ! BURN THOSE PIRATES!” said Miles.
Andy inspected Daz’s “weapons”, which were actually a packet of breath mints and an air horn. He smiled and nodded. “You cunning son-of-a-gun,” he said. “We might just make it out of this yet.”
“Hey guys…” said Cam. He backed away from the door. Despite his spaced-out eyes and chattering teeth he looked very grave. “The pirates have boarded the ship.”
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