And There Was Ninja Moustache (Chapter 24)

    It seems birds aren’t the only ones who fly south for the winter, as Heathrow airport this week rolled out the red carpet for a flock of jet setting A-listers.

    Glamour couple David and Victoria Beckham (top left) headed to Italy for Christmas with their children. It has been a stressful year for the Beckhams, after David was spotted in August with a mystery blonde. Sources close to the couple say Victoria was not happy. Can a Mediterranean vacation spice up the former Spice Girl’s marriage?

    Elton John (top centre) took off for Spain looking a little worse for wear. Elton’s hectic touring schedule this year may have taken a toll, with sources close to the aging musician suggesting he is using cocaine to sustain his rock star energy. Let’s hope the Rocket Man doesn’t end up the Rehab Man.

It was a first-class ticket to New York for 007 himself, Pierce Brosnan (top right). Flying solo, the Irish actor did nothing to quash rumours that his marriage to American Keely Shaye Smith is a sham, only intended to get him a Green Card. Sources close to Brosnan have revealed he and his wife sleep in separate beds and only communicate by email. He may have a licence to kill, but soon he may need a licence to divorce.

    Meanwhile, Mick Jagger (right) was on his way to Paris. But was he flying or was he fleeing? His departure comes just days after a controversial new documentary was released online, examining the events surrounding John F. Kennedy’s assassination. Sources close to the Rolling Stones’ frontman say it is possible he was in Dallas on November 22, 1963. Did Lee Harvey Oswald act alone, or did he have some help from Jumpin’ Jack Flash?

    And with the much-anticipated release of the final Lord of the Rings instalment, The Return of the King just weeks away, Orlando Bloom (bottom right) headed to New Zealand for a promotional tour. He may be one of the sexiest men in the world, but this time the star was overshadowed by his travel companion, a Swedish model who curiously clutched a handbag in front of her stomach. Is she pregnant? Sources close to the couple say yes, and it is definitely octuplets. Also making his way down under, in the rear of the photograph, was notorious mafia boss, Jimmy “Biscuits” O’Shea. O’Shea, you may remember, was questioned but never charged over the 2002 North London grenade attack that killed three police officers.

    —GRUDGE Magazine, December 2003, page 45.

© 2020 MILES VENISON ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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