Stories by Miles Venison
Lyle Kelp loved dinosaurs. He thought they were the perfect creatures. Not triceratopses though. Jeez Louise, you didn’t want to be around when he launched into one of his anti-triceratops rants. But he loved the other dinosaurs. Lyle lived in Sinklewich, a town in the fair state of Obadiah. The governor of Obadiah got people... Continue Reading →
New Year's Eve 1989 in the Venison household was one to remember. So it is unfortunate that I'm the only one who does. (My parents, and my aunties and uncles who attended the party at our house, all woke the next afternoon with "nasty colds" that seemed to have wiped all memory of the night's... Continue Reading →
"And this final one is a favourite of mine. I call it Swans at Sunset. You'll notice the warm hues on the water—I wanted to emphasise those, create a dynamic. The brush strokes here, the trees—at first I intended to come back and smooth these out, but as the painting took shape I decided to... Continue Reading →
"Well, what can you say about Uncle Bert that wouldn't further tarnish his reputation? He was a good man, I suppose. Not in the traditional sense of the word, but perhaps in comparison with some of his 'business associates', none of whom have turned up today to pay their respects, I see. Although, to be... Continue Reading →
Tinseltown was abuzz yesterday as crowds of hopefuls lined the streets for a shot at stardom. In an unprecedented gamble, a major movie studio announced open calls for the lead role in its new, six hundred million dollar project, Immaculate Termination. Head of Narcissus Studios, Martin Ahab, believes the approach will generate a wider interest... Continue Reading →
"I count myself privileged to have introduced my best mate Phil and his new bride Stephanie nearly three years ago. Steph and I actually met while working together at IBM. I was there briefly as a lawnmowing consultant, and she had just been promoted to Chief Coroner in the laptops department. She was a real... Continue Reading →
It was a hot August night in Osaka. Mossy, myself and the rest of the band were back at the hotel room. Normally after a gig the room would be an orgy of drinking, feasting, dancing, sword fights, amateur dental surgery, impromptu taxidermy and half-naked circus folk, more often than not resulting in the arrest... Continue Reading →
It was my first overseas trip on official duty. I had been called up at the last minute to act as the Prime Minister's key adviser in Western Africa. In Senegal, after a warm welcome and sightseeing tour, things cooled at the negotiating table. Both leaders, usually calm under pressure, began shouting and slamming their... Continue Reading →
Advertising was in my blood. A rare strain of zombie virus was too, but mostly advertising. I remember it was a Wednesday—the usual mayhem—I had deadlines to meet, clients to schmooze, and anti-human-flesh-eating-urge medication to take—and in walked Martin Milford, president of Milford's Mayonnaise. He had come to hear our pitch for his company's latest... Continue Reading →
Leaving the army was hard on Omar Spyfe. He was a decorated soldier, but had got into some trouble after it was discovered he was making his own decorations—out of Roll-Ups. His commanding officer became suspicious when he spied Omar taking a bite of his Victoria Cross. Normally this would not merit a dishonourable discharge,... Continue Reading →
In Search of Lost Marbles 