Humorous Stories by Miles Venison
The little man with the big moustache led Stan around the front of the house to where the prime minister, Gary Shemp, was addressing the gathering of reporters. “In conclusion,” said Gary, “my government is committed to a swift and decisive response, but certainly a measured one. We will confront these issues head-on, while also... Continue Reading →
A little over two hours later, Stan’s helicopter touched down in Australia’s capital city. He and Belinda exited the aircraft and walked over to where a large man wearing a black suit and dark sunglasses stood by a white Rolls Royce. The man held up his hand toward Belinda and shook his head. “She stays... Continue Reading →
During the limousine ride from the casino back to Stan’s office, Stan tried to prevent Belinda from quitting. “It’s not a big deal,” he said. “Okay, so I went off track a little, sure. The snail thing might not have been my best stuff, but I get that now. We’ll chalk that one up to... Continue Reading →
Stan stood at the podium and adjusted the microphone in front of him; the applause died down, and every eye fixed on him. Stan removed his mask, went to speak but then stopped. He put his hand to his mouth, paused, and then gave a solemn shake of his head. Everyone leaned forward in their... Continue Reading →
“Now,” said the woman on stage, as the audience quietened in anticipation, “we have twelve people up here with us, ready to get their vaccine booster and become, once again, fully vaccinated. Thanks to you, Mr Premier, these people will be protected from Covid-19. They will be able to see their children grow up to... Continue Reading →
As the press briefing’s opening song concluded and the audience members took their seats, a woman wearing a lab coat over her dress and a stethoscope around her neck marched onstage and stood at the podium. The lights dimmed. Sweet violins sounded over the loudspeakers, and the woman dressed as a doctor sang Louis Armstrong’s... Continue Reading →
Half an hour later, Stan and Belinda were riding in a stretch limousine to the casino for the daily press briefing. Belinda checked the schedule in her phone, while Stan stared out the window and sighed contentedly. City buildings rushed by. Empty businesses. Empty restaurants. Empty streets. The limo stopped at a red light. There... Continue Reading →
Stanley Berserkervich closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He felt the sweet, warm sunshine upon his face, as though God were descending from heaven to kiss his forehead. “Stan,” he imagined God saying, “I want you to save all the people. They have no hope but you. You are the best state premier in Australia.”... Continue Reading →
When I was nine, I went to my cousin’s wedding. It was at a church. Not an old church, or one with a spire; it wasn’t made from big stones, and it didn’t have a graveyard or stained-glass windows. There were no hard wooden pews or hymn books. It didn’t smell weird. This place was... Continue Reading →
Ernie Velmont, wearing bright red board shorts, an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt, aviator sunglasses and a pair of Ugg boots, strode into the veterinary practice on Lime Street. The one next to the hairdressers. He lifted his sunglasses, looked around the waiting room at the young boy with his mother, the old man, the very fat... Continue Reading →
In Search of Lost Marbles 