Stories and Paintings
A major arrest took place in Brisbane, Australia, yesterday, with police special forces storming an apparent hideout of London crime kingpin, Jimmy “Biscuits” O’Shea. O’Shea was taken into custody along with gang member, Edward Ping. Police seized over a million dollars in cash, and a massive stockpile of weapons, including knives, automatic rifles, rocket... Continue Reading →
Budgie’s return, less than twenty-four hours after infiltrating New Zealand’s worst prison, surprised us all. After a whirlwind of shouts, cheers, bear hugs and high fives, we gave him enough space to set his case down, take off his jacket and loose his flowing locks from the absurdly oversized man-bun he had worn on... Continue Reading →
By the time I returned to Budgie’s place, the sun had dipped below the hills behind the property, splashing the low clouds deep orange. A lone star peeked out above. I drove slowly up the driveway, to hear the gravel crunch beneath the immense tyres on LaShawn’s truck. There was a car parked in... Continue Reading →
Rory’s parents’ house, Queensland, Australia, 19th November 2005. BANG! Another balloon popped, right behind me. I swear the little turds were doing it on purpose. I hate balloons popping. I don’t mind the noise; it’s the surprise I can’t stand. A swarm of ankle-biters ran outside, screeching and giggling, hyped up on fairy... Continue Reading →
After a fifteen-minute drive, I arrived in front of Ezra’s place and parked just off the dirt road. An old timber rail fence stretched the front of property, a quaint (that’s three) border whose inviting, old-timey appearance was offset with hand-painted signs bearing such warnings as PRIVATE PROPERTY—KEEP OUT, NO TRESSPASSING, BEWARE OF DOGS,... Continue Reading →
After LaShawn talked me through the plan to overthrow New Zealand’s communist regime, he went back out to the shed to check on the brisket. In the games room, I played some pool by myself, and then had a look through Budgie’s record collection. Budgie reckoned you couldn’t truly appreciate a song unless you... Continue Reading →
It seems birds aren’t the only ones who fly south for the winter, as Heathrow airport this week rolled out the red carpet for a flock of jet setting A-listers. Glamour couple David and Victoria Beckham (top left) headed to Italy for Christmas with their children. It has been a stressful year for... Continue Reading →
LaShawn listened with neither a word nor a judgmental look for ten minutes while I expressed my bamboozlement and displeasure. I marched about the living room, frustration causing my arms to flail and my voice to reach shrieking pitch at least thrice (that’s one, Rory). At the end of my miserable tirade, LaShawn just... Continue Reading →
I sat there beside the shed in increasing panic, staring at my right foot. It was smurf blue. My shoe and sock were removed—how and to where I didn’t know—and my pants were cut off at an angle, just above my ankle. They were perfectly cut, too—not a frayed thread. The skin on my... Continue Reading →
Downstairs in the kitchen, I searched the cupboards for something to eat. I found nothing. I know LaShawn was barbecuing, but what about potato salad, chips, cocktail onions, savoury biscuits, cupcakes? Maybe Budgie was going to shop for the party tomorrow morning. Where was Budgie anyway? He didn’t even have a jar of Vegemite.... Continue Reading →
